1. Home

A Personal Statement About Changing as a Person

This is a personal statement about the importance of accepting and learning from change. The student describes moving to a new country, experiencing changes in their family, and adjusting their life goals.
PAGES
2
WORDS
667
  Cite
View Full Essay
About this essay
This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley
Generating Preview...
This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"You've certainly demonstrated that you've grown as an individual and learned from difficult experiences. Your grammar, sentence structure, and punctuation are good and you express yourself well. However, most of this essay is fairly broad. Consider describing specific events, achievements, or turning points in detail to paint a more vivid picture of your personality. You focus on change, but it's difficult to see that change since the reader doesn't get a sense of who you were and who you are now.

It's a good idea for your intro to have a hook that draws the audience in. Rather than simply discussing the ambiguity of your identity, you may want to give some examples of who you once thought you were or what dreams you may have abandoned or are pursuing now.

Since this may be part of a formal application process, you may want to refrain from using slang (e.g., "everything sucked")."

Learn more about this feedback