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Descriptions of Busy, Idle, and Abandoned Train Stations

In this descriptive essay, a student talks about the differences between an abandoned train station, a train station in use during the day, and a train station that is quiet at night. The student focuses on the things you can see, hear, and smell.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"You provide some rich descriptions of a train station, and it’s good that you focus on senses other than sight to draw the reader into your work. However, it’s unclear how various parts of your work fit together. For example, what’s the connection between the abandoned train station and the one that’s still in use? Moreover, the work gets repetitive in a negative way because you talk about some items, such as the abandoned bottles and cans, many times without changing much of the descriptions for these items. Commas are overused in the work and shouldn’t appear in phrases such as “cans, that were” and “routine, or maybe.” Review is needed to ensure that all sentences end with a piece of punctuation and that a blank line is inserted between all paragraphs."

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