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Examples of Internal and External Factors that Influence a Person’s Identity

In this analytical essay, a student discusses important factors that go into a person’s identity. The student explains how internal factors such as mental health and gender identity and external factors such as social media and culture impact a person’s sense of self.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

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Angela's feedback:

"You chose solid examples for analysis, and your explanation of different internal and external factors that influence a person’s identity is well thought out. Although your work is written well overall, more writing convention errors crop up in your last two paragraphs. Review is needed to ensure that every sentence ends with a piece of punctuation, and the work would look neater if you consistently used double quotation marks only instead of switching between single and double quotation marks. Standard practice in academic writing today is to insert exactly one space between sentences. The title of a song or an individual TV episode should be enclosed in quotation marks while the title of a movie or a TV series titles should be italicized. The abbreviations “e.g.” and “i.e.” are typically only used in parenthetical comments. In main body text, the terms they stand for (i.e., “for example” and “that is”) should be used instead. Some revision is needed to address your treatment of pronouns. For example, in one sentence, you pair “a person” with “oneself,” “his/her,” and “they.”"

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