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My Connection to Tayo's Journey in Ceremony by Leslie Silko

A writer connects her own personal journey of finding her best friend with the journey of Tayo, the main character in the novel Ceremony by Leslie Marmon Silko.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Erin's feedback:

"I really liked the way that your essay started off -- I loved Mulan, too. While I thought that you might perhaps end up connecting Mulan to your own experience, you jumped straight into discussing the characters and journey in Ceremony, which was a pretty abrupt transition, as a reader. I would recommend that you introduce the novel in the first paragraph to better set the stage for your essay. I would also consider writing a thesis statement that focuses more on how your journey connects to that in the novel rather than how it connects to Mulan's journey, which is the current focus and the expectation you set up. Your actual comparisons of your journey and that of Tayo are good, though I'd work on the transitions between those ideas to smooth them out a bit, too. There aren't too many grammar or punctuation errors in your essay, but a good editor will help you polish it up before you turn it in."

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