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The Social Effects and Health Problems Caused by Technology

This is a persuasive essay in which the author discusses the negative aspects of modern society's integration of technology. While the author does acknowledge benefits of technology, they suggest that the detriments outweigh the benefits. The author supports that technology jeopardizes one's privacy, causes socialization problems, and causes unwanted health problems.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Jenn's feedback:

"You start your essay with a strong introduction that lets the reader know the goal of your essay and why the goal is important. You then go on to organize the essay in a logical, cohesive manner, creating smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs and aligning the information with your thesis statement. Starting with the introduction, there are a number of grammar and sentence structure errors that are impacting the readability of some of the essay. There are also a number of noticeable punctuation errors and a formatting error exists in that the essay is two different fonts. You have an immense amount of evidence supporting your points that needs to be cited. Any information that you obtained from another source needs to be cited so that you are crediting the original author and avoid an issue with plagiarism. The presentation of the information in the fourth paragraph is confusing. The introduction suggests that you will only be talking about cell phone use, but in this particular paragraph you name many other technologies. If you want to highlight the detriment of many kinds of technology, this should be introduced in the introduction and consistently talked about in each paragraph of the essay."

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