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Why It's Time for Magazines to Stop Photoshopping Models

This persuasive essay argues against the use of altering images in magazines. The student describes the negative impact on young female readers (specifically teenage girls); counterarguments include magazine profits and the rights of artists to edit and experiment.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"The organization of this essay is solid and easy for the reader to follow. Including a counterargument paragraph is effective, building out the discussion and establishing ethos; make sure to respond directly to those points, as well! The writing has good flow and is overall clear; make sure to proofread for lower-order issues like comma splices.

To strengthen the discussion and ethos, read over your paper for broad generalizations that should be supported with sourced evidence. When discussing medical conditions like anorexia, use appropriate peer reviewed sources, and make sure your last two body paragraphs include sources to help show the reader the reality of the current situation. Similarly, use signal phrases to establish your sources' authority; without that information, it can be hard for the reader to adjudge credibility. If you find it difficult to make a statement about a current source's appropriateness or credibility, consider shifting your research strategies. As a final comment, this paper is marked as MLA but uses APA-formatted citations, so do double-check your original assignment details and make any necessary adjustments."

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