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Why Teens Shouldn't Get Tattoos

In this argumentative essay, the student cautions against tattoos for teenagers, citing studies that describe compromised employment prospects as well as health risks (infections).
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"You are off to a good start, and the essay's overall structure and use of evidence put you in a good place to start refining the elements you have down on the page. I recommend streamlining the opening, as the current hook/hypothetical is as long as the argumentative body paragraphs, where the meat of the discussion should reside. Instead of the hypothetical, consider establishing the stakes: who can get tattooed? how many teens have tattoos? This will help the reader understand the conversation and issue further.

As regards the body paragraphs, try to swap out the somewhat flatfooted "I know this because..." with a smoother signal phrase and lead-in that can help enhance the evidence's presence in the the paragraph. A little more context would also help integrate the quotations a bit further -- for example, the first quotation ("But there's still a chance...") is unclear because the reader hasn't been told what the objection (but, still) refers to. As regards the second source, can you clarify if that quotation refers to immediately after the procedure or later (as implied by the last sentence of that paragraph), and explain the specific implications for teenagers.

In terms of lower-order concerns, keep an eye out for some awkward phrasing or casual phrasing ("For starters"), as well as errors that should be cleaned up with a careful proofread."

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